my honey went to a new job this morning.  everbody breathe a collective sigh of relief with me.  and pray for him.  that he would make friends.  that he would learn the ways quickly.  that his boss would be a godly man or one that wants to be.  pray that this job would see us into responsibility and new friends.  we’ve been brought low and i know that He has allowed us to be without friends in order to turn to Him and to each other.  may He now bring us to others. 

this has been a long road.  and we don’t know what to expect.  except that he left this morning armed with paperwork for actual health insurance and benefits (wow, what are those?!)  and a $10,000 raise.  yes, we have broken into the $40,000 dollar range.  $40,019.20 to be exact.  why am i so scared?  because our society is built to keep people on assistance.  i’m scared to go it alone.  we’ll be dropping medicaid soon.  we’ll be reporting the money and see if they’ll let us keep any of the food stamps.  we will still be keeping the wic.  we want to be able actually pay our bills.  on time.  and feed our family.  and get the oil changed.  and share with others.  of course we want to be able to occasionally get underwear and socks when they’re needed.  and we’d love to be able to let the kids play ball and go to dance.  and get actual furniture that would get the mattress off the floor and piles of stuff out of the corners.  but right now, we’ll focus on paying those bills. 

this money won’t solve all of our problems.  but it will relieve some pressure. 

since christmas, we’ve had the food stamps come through and we got our tax return early.  and then we’ve gotten word on this job.  the blessings have flowed.  and we’ve eaten like kings. 

let me not forget, Lord.  i will build an altar to You.  for all good things come from You.  i will have an attitude of undeservedness.  i don’t deserve anything that i get.  let me share with others.  let me not forget how it felt to be hungry.  how it felt to ration food to my children that they would have food and not go to bed hungry.  how it felt to be downcast.  how it felt to be looked at as less.  help me to build up others that have that look.  help me to bless them as i was blessed in those times.  help me to not forget how good it felt to pay those first bills on time.  to walk into the water office and hold my head high.  to not hope the check would go through, but to know it was good.  help me to remember, Father, how it felt to not know if i’d have electricity through the day.  help me to praise You in the good times.  to thank You.  to be mindful of others that You are bringing through a hard time.  help me to remember they don’t deserve where they are.  just as i don’t deserve the sunshine right now, nor do they deserve the rain. 

that i may remember.