this is for those of you in a place of difficulty right now.  and if you have 2 children that are under 2 that’s probably you.

i had a conversation with a new friend the other day that just had her 3rd child.  her oldest just turned 3 right after her 3rd was born.  and she had laughter in her heart that overflowed.  how is that possible?  she said something that goes with what i’ve been planning to post for a while.  she said, “once you give up yourself, this is pretty easy!”  and that echos what another friend who has 3 children very close in age has been talkin’ about.  and is exactly what i’ve been talking with another friend about who is making a life change to stay home.

So I hated life, because the work that is done under the sun was grievous to me.  All of it is meaningless, a chasing after the wind.  ~Ecclesiastes 2:17

how does this apply to us?  i know how it applies to me.  i remember telling a friend when my second was tiny that all i did was refill stuff.  refill the soap.  refill the fridge.  refill the washer.  refill the dryer.  refill the diapers.  refill the baby.  i know the first few years of doing this baby-having thing was very hard for me.  i kept waiting for them to stop fussing.  i kept waiting for them to go to sleep.  why wouldn’t they just do it?  and the more important issue was why did i want them to stop so badly?  because i wanted to get back to my regularly scheduled programming.  and it just didn’t seem to be happening.  and i was angry all the time.  until i gave in and began to enjoy them.  in the moment.  through the crying.  and the result?  God has given me the desires of heart.  not the desires i thought i had once upon a time.  i don’t want to go out partying on friday night anymore.  He just changed the desires.  He truly gave me the desires that are in my heart. 

For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it. ~Jesus Matthew 16:25

i don’t hate that i have to hold my newest one anytime i don’t want to hear screaming.  i don’t hate that i don’t get a hot meal anymore.  i don’t resent that any extra money goes to the kiddos.  because i gave up.  i gave in.  and i found my life more abundant than i ever had it before.  more full than i could’ve ever imagined.  have i lost who i am?  not at all.  i’m more me than ever.  i love to sew.  i love to blog.  i love to be goofy.  i love to read.  i love to create stuff.  and i get to do all of those things.

and part of what made this possible is my realizing that it’s all a season.  every bit of it.  and each season is over so quickly.  how did my first 2 get so big so quickly?  i don’t know, but i’m a little wiser this time around.  and i don’t care how hard my 2 year old girl is or how much my infant screams because it will all be gone in the blink of an eye.  and i don’t wanna blink.