Potty Training

Or: “Yes, I know my kid is naked, sorry about that.”

So, my 2 1/2 year old decided about a month ago that he was going to potty like the big kids.  Okay, everybody with a 3 year old boy who isn’t potty-trained yet, take a deep breath.  I said: he decided.  Not me.  And furthermore, he has 3 other people in the house that he wants to be just like.

I’m a reluctant potty trainer.  I just don’t do it.  With my first child I got all nervous, decided it was time at about 2 and a half years, and initiated the whole process.  Thankfully, that child took to it like a fish to water and we were through in about 2 weeks.  I.had.nothing.to.do.with.that.  Really.  He just did it.  And it’s a good thing, because the kind of mom I was back then would have walked away from that experience very guilt-ridden from the trauma I would surely have inflicted upon my toddler in the name of “good parenting”.  And just as thankfully, I was too busy and pregnant with my third child to go through a “process” with TheMiddlest.  Because he was not ready.  And he didn’t care.  And he has nighttime issues.  And I was very laid back about it.  And, again, I’m SO thankful.  When he conquered the diaper – he owned it.  He did it.  He was proud of himself.  He is just fine now at the ripe old age of 6.  My girl also decided when she was going to potty train, took ownership of it, and conquered it.

So, that kind of brings me back around to BigMan.  I was completely content to wait until after the new baby gets here and the adjustment to that newness to introduce the potty.  This brings up another reason I don’t jump into this process quickly.  I know what it is to run to the potty in the middle of the grocery store.  With several other little people in tow.  I know what it is to try to potty a toddler in a dirty public bathroom and then get a diaper back on him.  I know what it is to do all of this with a huge pregnant belly.  Goodness knows I have enough emergency pottying of my own to deal with at this stage.  Also, I know that with the changes a newborn brings there will more than likely be a setback.  I know that I hope to nurse the newborn.  I know that with all that sitting it’s hard to jump and run to wipe a little bottom.  I know that I’m a more relaxed (read: happier) mama when I don’t have expectations for my children.

So, I was not going to push this subject.  But I know that when the kiddos start undressing themselves constantly and then watching themselves inevitably potty in the house or the yard or wherever, that this step is coming.  And sure enough.  Like the others before him when he was ready he let me know.  At first it’s like a puppy, “Oh, look, something’s happening down there.”  While they stand there happily amazed.  And you do your best to not scream “Stop!” at the top of your lungs because your daughter’s My Little Pony coloring book just bit the “pee pee” dust.

And then when they’ve heard you (and 3 other not very happy little people) say the words “potty”, “pee pee”, “poopy” to no end and then link those actions to the contraption that he already loves to flush, well you have half of the equation well on it’s way.  Then comes the “I wanna sit on that potty like everybody else, waste a ton of toilet paper, and flush it repeatedly because that’s what everybody else is doing.”  Also, very hard to hold your tongue through and say sweetly over and over “You don’t need to wipe your booty until something actually comes out, sweetie pie”  and “We don’t flush the potty until you see something in it.”

And then one of those hundreds of times something actually does make it’s way into that potty.  And the whole house cheers like crazy.  Every kid comes running and stands around that pint-sized over-achiever and cheers like he’s won the Super Bowl.  And mama and daddy do this “potty dance” celebration around the living room.  And it clicks.  And he starts trying to hit that potty over and over.  And he gets better at it.  And now a month in, he’ll stop playing outside or in the toy room and come running full speed to make it to that potty and he does it.

Now, at this point diapers are still our friend.  When we nap, at bedtime, when we have company, when we leave the house.  It’s just that most waking hours are spent naked.  And why naked, you ask?  Well, because, he usually gets himself naked.  All the time.  And, really, do I need that much more laundry?  Also, he forgets that his underwear or shorts are not a diaper and potties in them.  And it takes ample time to get those things off when he needs to be focusing on getting on the potty not standing there fighting with those blasted clothes.  And I’d much rather wipe a bottom than to change a diaper in my sickly state.  So, we go naked.  And our friends with lots of children say things like, “I’m glad to see I’m not the only one with a little Gollum running around.”

Now, we live in the country, and somehow, have managed to do that with each potty training child.  But I don’t think it would matter too much with us.  Smack in the middle of the neighborhood?  Yep, I’d probably have a naked child and just smile and shrug when people stare.

We won’t even suggest no diapers in public for awhile.  Again, waiting on the cue from him.  And we had our first this weekend.  When I asked who needed to go potty with me he, of course, yelled he needed to – nothing new there.  But here’s the new thing – when we got in the stall he started taking his diaper off – it was dry, and when I put him on that potty – well, success.  And then the next day in a different store (after the first potty break resulted in an already hot full diaper and no potty success) he says to me, “I need to potty, Mama” and I think “We’ve already been there once, I’m huge, we’re across the store, everybody’s hitting meltdown level from an hour+ of grocery shopping, and, well, he’s wearing a diaper.”  So, stellar mom that I am says, “You have a diaper on, buddy, can you just pee pee in it just this time?”  And then in the van while changing him I tell him, “I’m sorry, darlin’, next time we’ll try to make it to the potty, okay?”  But I say all of this to say:  the signs are building.  At the point that we venture out without a diaper I’ll have to have seen a very strong showing of holding it while wearing clothes around the house, he’ll be required to sit on the potty and “try” before we leave the house every time.  And we’ll take several changes of clothes, some towels – in case the car seat takes a hit (at which point we’d fold the towels in his seat under him to keep his bum dry until we get home and I can wash the car seat cover), I’ll pack plenty of patience, and we’ll step calmly into the next phase.

Bedtime is usually the next step.  And one I don’t rush into.  Diapers for as long as I can.  Pullups if money is in abundance, yeah, right?  I watch for dryness in the mornings.  I start suggesting required potty “trying” before bedtime (“You don’t have to potty, you just have to sit there and push”) and then suggestions of “Let’s try to make it til morning or run to the potty in the night if you need to”, and then get some waterproof pads (if you don’t already have them in place), get your gumption up and patience ready and jump in.  And be prepared, you kid may be one of those kids that have a physical condition that makes it difficult to make it through the night.  Even after you play by all the rules – no water before bed, potty right before bed, nightlights for the bathroom.  Again, no shame, no discipline, just pullups, and lots of reassurance that “this will pass.”

This, as always, is just what we do.  It has evolved.  It’s what works for us.  We don’t usually use M&M’s or stickers (though we’re not opposed, it’s just that with other children in the house that are way excited, the incentive is built in – who wouldn’t want all those accolades?)

Now all of this is hit and miss.  A process.  It’s a readiness thing, not a disciplinary thing.  Ever.  If they seem to “get it” for awhile and then one day just seem to “lose it”: then let them.  Without a word.  Just put their diapers back on them with no fuss or discussion.  Don’t pick this battle.  They’ll win.  And it’s not a battle you want them winning – ask any doctor about compaction.  But the rewards are built-in – when they want to wear those cutesy new underoos you bought, then they have to “start pottying like a big boy again.”  No discussion.  They’ll either do it or not.  It’s on them.  And expect setbacks.  There aren’t always setbacks, but usually.  I fully expect BigMan to take megasteps backwards when the new one joins us.  He may not, but I’ll be a happier mama if I just mentally prepare for digression as opposed to progression. We take it one step at a time, a marathon, a lifestyle, not a hurdle to jump as quickly as we can.  We go slow knowing that one day, all too soon, this phase will be a distant memory.  And I’ll, once again, wonder where the time went.