Featured, HeSays »

(originally published December 26, 2007)

i hate playdough that gets rubbed into couches and dries and crumbles and finds its way into my infant’s mouth.

i hate markers that make their way onto everything.

i hate lego sets.  that i work for 2 hours with each boy-child to perfectly build and then watch it collapse in a matter of seconds and then listen as my 4 year old mourns its loss for the duration of the day.

i hate gak.  it’s foreign.  it’s kinda wet.  it freaks me out.  and it, also, finds it’s way into my infant’s mouth.

i hate chex mix in the hands of distracted youngsters.  and they’re always distracted.

i hate when loss of routine and lack of sleep combines with sugar.  in my children too.

i hate when my husband says within 10 minutes of waking, “if this is the right side of the bed, i bet you woke up on the left.”

and i hate that it was true.  bah.  bah, i say.

Featured, Understanding »

(originally published September 4, 2007)

i got an actual migraine, puked for hours, and called my husband to come home from work and take care of the kids.

and what brought this on, you ask?

a trip to walmart with 4 small children.  ok, so not just that.  but that was the next to last stop in a 6 hour trip to town.  and ironically, the last stop was to get my zoloft.  yeah, you can laugh.  or judge.  i don’t really care after that trip.

it all started because we needed milk.  so, i decided to “run” to town.  oh, and we need diapers and wipes.  i need to pick up my meds.  “could you get the oil changed while you’re in town?”  and since i’m already out, maybe i could take the kids to the playland as a treat.  throw in a sonic stop, a potty-training toddler and a nursing baby and six hours later i’m growling at my kids in walmart and walking into the new small-town pharmacy completely oblivious to the mama-milk so attractively leaking through my shirt; raving to the pharmacy tech about how i just saved $40.00 on zoloft!

who wouldn’t puke?

Featured, TheySay »

(originally published May 29, 2006)

random thoughts on things that have made me happy lately… and some is not for the squeamish…

i just read lee ann’s post about her missing rosie and phillip. i’m SO happy for them! and i’m SO sad for me. but i really believe it’s where they’re supposed to be and that helps so much. i love them. and i’m so excited about their new start.

i fixed like 40 seussian pancakes to freeze the other day and the boys ate about 4 each of the green and blue ones. so… last night my middlest goes to the bathroom and says, “my poop is greenish-backish” his daddy goes to investigate since he’s been sick lately and i hear hysterical laughing from the bathroom… as daddy said it may be the best poop i’ve ever seen - crayola green. not sick green, mind you, bright, neon, crayola green. awesome. he was so proud. and my oldest son was so jealous he promptly went to the bathroom to try and compete. the little brother sat guard on the step stool. nope. nothing like the green winner!

chicken little is by far THE best movie i’ve seen lately. not just out of kid movies. the best by far of all.

while watching chicken little this morning for the 15th time, literally, my middlest says, ” uh-oh, dum” (gum). i look down and he has gum stuck on his t.t. yep. so i help get it off, he takes it from me - i think to take to the trash - nope, back in the mouth before i can say, “gross”. oh well. we’re building immunity. we’re building immunity. everyone with me now, “we’re building immunity.”

i warned you.

my living room is so clean. my honey and i put the scrub down on it.

my girl has taken a sudden interest in clothes. she brings ‘em to me, holding them to herself, and i put them on her. then she walks around so proud. since most of the clothes we have sitting around are boy clothes, it’s extra cute. this morning her picks were a soccer shirt and her oldest brother’s batman underwear. pics to follow. so cute.

i like csi. i have a hard time admitting this. i’m addicted. every night. i love grissom. and greg, and nick. and thanks to dvr i’m catching all the old ones. they’re new to me. i just finished watching the one where nick gets kidnapped and then saved. good stuff.

i like charlie and lola. you should watch it. more good stuff.

it’s a 3 day weekend for my man. yea!

my oldest’s new school. it’s so pretty. and the classes are so cute. it makes me want to be a teacher. kinda. okay, i just want a classroom, not really the kiddos to go with it.

we have air in the living room. aaahh.. if you’ve been to our house in the last month, you’ll know how great that is!

i think that’s it for now. i’ll try to get pics on next time. thanks for tuning in.

Featured, TheKiddos »

(originally published March 20, 2006)

rain, rain go away, come again another day.  3 days into the constant downpour and i think i may very well lose my mind.  my boys were literally climbing the walls today.  hence, the reason they are already in the bed and have already lost both be-quiet incentive treats for the morning.  now they’re workin’ on the light sabers.  light sabers gone.  now we’re workin’ on losing star wars characters.  argh!  the day, control-wise for me was good, though.  no screaming.  no spanking.  just tolerance, time-outs, and loss of privs. i can tell you, though, another day or two like this and the post won’t be so positive. i’m having a hard time forming any coherent thoughts due to the boys (still going strong) and my girl, who is kinda clingy tonight. so i guess i’m just posting out of discipline again. which is better than nothing, i suppose.  oh, by the way, my girl walked yesterday! about 3 feet. awesome! and i registered my oldest for kindergarten friday. did i mention that in my last post? i don’t know. kinda monumental. i’m excited for him. and i’m excited about more focused time on my other two. but i’m a little shocked at how we got here. how do i have an almost kindergartener? oh, and i’m gonna register him for t-ball this week, hopefully. fun times ahead. it’s just that i know i’m entering a whole new chapter of my life. i’m leaving the toddler/pre-school years behind. and i’ve had just enough chapter closings to recognize the feeling of “something big” in my soul.  do you know what i mean?  it’s the same feeling i had graduation night. the same one the night i was talking with jill before i got married the next day. the same feeling i had driving to little rock to have my first baby. the same one i had moving to my parents’ house.  it’s a surreal, stomach-turning, and yet, exciting feeling. and always accompanied by more than a little sadness. each time i thought, “i don’t know about this” and each time it’s been an even better chapter than the last. but, boy, turning that page is so hard. what is it that makes us so stuck? ah, the familiarity…speaking of ahs… there is silence now from the boys’ room. and i think my girl may go not long from now. and i may sit on the couch and mend mamaw’s quilt listening to the rain. and somehow, i’ll miss hearing the kids fuss. and i know it won’t be long from now that i’ll actually miss being cooped up with 3 wild little monkeys. it’s tough loving ‘em so much, isn’t it?

Featured, Somethin' »

(originally published feb 27, 2006)

why can’t i stop?
i yell. i get angry. and i yell.
and my babies are at the receiving end of this. almost always.
why?
yesterday, sunday, “the Lord’s day”, i yelled.
not your normal yell. i screamed with all i had at them. my oldest cried and was afraid of me.
i have spent most of the last 24 hours crying out to God begging for forgiveness and for my children to not be scarred for my sins, for the screaming cycle to end with me. and for my sins not to be passed to my children’s grandchildren. because, you know, it is. but it doesn’t have to be.
why is there repetitive sin? why must i do the same sins that i know what the results are? the outcome of fear, shame, guilt - it’s exactly the same everytime. this is not new.
yes, i know they still love me.
yes, i know they’re resilient.
yes, i know i’m not perfect and it’s important for them to know this and see the act of being humble, asking forgiveness from those who were sinned against, being forgiven, asking and receiving forgiveness from my Father. yada, yada, yada…
i know what truly matters is that i not yell at my children. for a million and one reasons, maybe most importantly because i know how it feels. and i know the struggle it brings about to connect with an all-patient loving Father when the earthly role models fall so short.
i must get up.
i must accept that my children have forgiven me.
i must accept that God has forgiven me - the first time i asked.

i must get up.