This is my window sill over my new sink.  Which is beside my new dishwasher.  I love both of those new things.  The white shiny sink makes me clean it so much more.  Because it looks.. clean.  I love that my husband buys me flowers.  For no particular reason other than he knows that I love them.  I love the cheapy apple spice candle that was on sale after Christmas for $2.50.  I love the little winter snowmen that we’ve had since the second winter we spent together.  My parents gave it to me and it makes me smile.  It’s seen us through some cold winters.  I love, love, love my lego sculpture that My Middlest made for me for a Christmas present.  Can you see the 2 hearts?  The red one is me and blue one is him.  Do you also see the “I {heart} U” ?  I love that he made it and spent so much time designing it for me.  I love the sunshine coming in through the window in the sunroom.  (I’m not so fond of how desperately dirty my 2 windows are, but whatever)

I love the saying that is behind the lego sculpture.  Here’s a close up of it:

It came in my little $4.00 calendar I got just after Christmas.  I love that my kids now know most of those references from first-hand reading of the Bible this last year.  (Which by the way, I think I need my own teacher’s guide to Isaiah, whew.)

I love our Rod and Staff Language Arts.

In this lesson they were to tell about each picture.  They’re studying pronouns.  Not only do I like that these kinds of pictures are included in the lessons, I also like seeing my children’s interpretations of them.  Because I think I would’ve said “She is praying.”  But My Middlest put it this way:

And though both are accurate, his is so much more personal.  Oh, love.

I love that your words were so encouraging to just keep writing.  I don’t know why this is such a struggle right now.  I read back through some of my old writing and I think, “Wow, did I write that?  Who is that person?  And where is she now?”  I keep thinking it’s that I don’t have as much time as I used to (or at least don’t carve it out right now), that I’m interrupted more, that I don’t have a computer desk where the kids can’t literally crawl all over the top of me, that I haven’t been taking as many pictures of the kids (and we know how visual I am), that I haven’t been getting the camera out as much because it’s difficult, it’s winter, it’s…. I don’t know.  It all seems so hard right now.  But I do miss writing.  I miss capturing life through my camera.  I miss connecting with y’all.  I must work harder.  But see, even as I try to write this morning there have been 500 interruptions, lots of fighting, a peeing on the table, and I’ve yelled twice.  This is why.  It doesn’t seem worth it compared to being engaged and not being perturbed that they’re bugging me while I’m writing.

Speaking of being bugged..  I’m sick.  I have a cold.  Two weeks ago I started out with a head cold, it has moved into my chest and I’m just totally sick of it now.  I can’t breathe, I cough nonstop, and sleeping is evasive.  It makes me cranky.  Chamomile Lemon Tea with honey has been a good friend this go ’round.

I’m 6 weeks along now.  And just this week I have begun to have morning sickness.  Which is good.  I always worry until I feel that.  I’m a worrier.  And so far the sickness has been mild and livable.  I had a meeting with my midwife and I’m super excited.  I need to go write that whole post separately – y’all’ve had lots of questions (I did too!) and I want to address them.

My family drama is settling, but it has stirred a lot of inner thoughts and emotions in me that I’m working through.  Big stuff.

A friend of mine is doing  Learning Adventures next year with 2 of her boys and I’m loving the look of it.  She has done it before with her older two and I’m seriously considering dumping what we’re doing (at least for a year) and doing this alongside her.  If I buy the first volume, the student pack, the game, and the supplemental younger pack (one at a time), it isn’t too pricey to teach everything except math to all of them – and I am planning on incorporating the soon to be 6th grader, 4th grader, 2nd grader, and Kindergartener into this (we’ll stick with Math-U-See, another thing I love) and I’ll teach phonics to BigMan, who will be in Kindergarten next year using Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons and Hooked on Phonics.  I’ve really been thinking I wanted a unit study again.  As much as I’ve loved all the independent work this year, I miss being with them more, learning with them, directing fun stuff.  It’s time.  And this looks perfect.  Still thinking and praying on it, but I’m really excited about it.

So once again.  Random.  But an inviting in.  Oh, and I was thinking.  Maybe it would help my writing if you asked questions and I answered them.  Like I’ve done before.  Up for that?  You can email me or comment and I’ll address your questions, anonymously if you’d like.

You are.  Even today.  Even in what you’ve done and are currently doing.  In your anger, despair, ugliness.  You are pursued.  Just say okay.  Just give up.  Just be embraced.  Today.

You.

Even you.

Especially you.

Though I have enjoyed the scaling back of my site (fewer ads, no reviews, no money generated) I miss the moving forward of my blog.  It feels kinda stagnant to me.  I realize this is a season and I’ll sit here until I feel really encouraged and pushed to become really proactive with it again, but I miss it.

But my lessened writing leaves me feeling like “why write?” and makes me feel like “what message do I have that others aren’t already writing?”  But I know those are just doubts and lies.  Because I know what I tell someone else if they were to say that to me.  I would tell them the world needs their voice.  That what they have to say unique and important.  And so I know it applies to me too.  And so, I will continue to write even when it doesn’t flow, even when it’s not on topic, and even if not one of you decides to keep reading.  I will keep trying.

In other news, I have spoken with my midwife (who happens to be a good friend! *squeee!*) and I’m beginning the beginning process of this new different adventure.  I’m really excited about it.

I’m still exceptionally tired and that’s mainly the only symptom I’m still having.  I have felt a bit of stretching, but not much (my belly is, after all, incredibly already stretched out!).  But the other day while cutting up some raw deer meat I felt very sick to my stomach.  Like shaky sick.  It made me happy.  Yes, it did.

My Middlest struggled most of the last week with hives.  Severe full body, scalp, face hives.  The oatmeal bath worked wonders, as did Benadryl for most of it.  I did take him to the ER towards the end of the week because I was worried it was more than “just” hives.  But it wasn’t more than that.  And we don’t know what caused them.  I don’t know that I’m going to take him to an allergist this time around either.  Just so glad it’s over.

I tried to watch Courageous, but I couldn’t make it past the tragedy.  Not in this phase of my life.  I don’t need to see someone else’s made up pain and live through it.  I have enough from other areas.

I watched The Help last night and though it was a tear jerker too, it was phenomenal.

My extended family is dealing with drama/tragedy and it makes me quiet.  I can’t talk about it and it leaves me speechless in every other area.

School is still moving forward.  BigMan just finished up the Animal Play from Teach Me Joy and we loved it.  We’re now gearing up to start the Fruit of the Spirit curriculum from the same place.  And I’m preparing to add an official spelling curriculum to the older kids’ already full school days.  We’re in desperate need of it.  ;)

So, that about sums it up for now I think.  Not earth shattering, not soapbox standing, not witty or fun.  But just another glimpse into the dailyness of it all.

This is what followed in text.  Verbatim.

Me (to Matt):  A rich dude just let his door slam into our van with us in here and the van running.  Didn’t apologize or anything.  People are straight crazy.

Matt: Open ur door and give him a dent!

Me:  Might would except the kids and I have been reading proverbs.  :/  couldn’t even leave him a note.  “don’t correct a fool in his foolishness.”

Matt:  So, what do u call what u just did with that text?  ;)

Me:  Being a contentious woman?

Me:  ;)

Matt:  Lol

Yes, we are!!

We are…

Pregnant.

Expecting.

Overjoyed.

Scared.

Undeserving.

Worried.

Over the moon.

We have shared moments like these with you before.  A couple of times now.

And each time it has been the same.

So very full of emotion and desire and love!

Let the Joyful Chaos of the Parker family continue!

For we really are so very…