(originally published may 5, 2006)

while i did some work at the church the other day, i asked my oldest to entertain my girl with his star wars figurine so she wouldn’t cry so much. he took the character and said, “aaargh!” in her face. the figurine is a reptilian guy who he says is part of darth vader’s guys - this was very “in-character” for the reptile, but not what i had in mind. so, i asked him if he would play with it the way my girl would like - love on it. …….”but i don’t know how to love a bad guy.” …pause here… do you? sure, i know how. do i? no, not very often. i took the opportunity to explain how to love on the bad reptile guy - the same way our girl would love on her sweet baby dolls. and then seized the moment to explain that Jesus tells us to love our neighbor and He also tells us that it’s easy to love those who are good to us, but those aren’t the only ones we’re supposed to love. did it take? i don’t know, but at least i’m teaching, and being taught, as we get up in the morning, as we walk down the lane, as we get ready for bed.

on a different note, i just read jeff’s comment on my last post and then went back and reread “don’t call it a comeback”. so true, jeff, so true. t-ball, tv, three kiddos, remodeling a house that’s older than my grandparents, and children’s church have me tied up. it’s hard to decide priorities. and yes, tv, at night with my husband once babies are in bed, is definitely a priority! but i will try to get in here more than occasionally.

my son’s t-ball team won their first game monday night. i was screaming like we won the world series. i am definitely one of those moms.

when do they grow up? when do we get caught not looking? how does this happen? i know this is a topic i’m revisiting, but it’s weighing heavy on my mind as i move from being a preschooling mom (which i’ve been exclusively and consecutively for 4 years now -3 children in) to a mama of a kindergartener. and to compound this feeling, none of mine have ever gone anywhere away from me regularly. no daycare, no mother’s day out, no grandparents on certain days. nothing. and i’ll wake up one day in august and find myself without one of my appendages for 8 hours 5 days a week. 5 years wasn’t enough. i didn’t get to do the things i wanted to do, the things i always thought as a mom i would do. i didn’t sing enough. i didn’t laugh enough. i didn’t read enough. i didn’t play enough. i still don’t. how does life slip away in the nothingness/everythingness that we have to do? it sounds great to say, “you just stop doing all that stuff and play.” sure. and who does the dishes/laundry/floors/t-ball carting/grocery shopping while you’re playing? i try to let some of it go, and then next thing i know we’re infested with ants because there are bread crumbs and coffee grinds on counter. i haven’t found the balance. i’m still working on it. daily. but in the meantime the childhood of at least my oldest and possibly my next is slipping away. my girl has a better chance, because the wisdom i’ve asked for is being granted. but what about my first? born to parents not yet seeking truth, wisdom, and Christ’s grace. i pray for grace to cover my mistakes. i know that love covers a multitude of sins.

Father, i ask this and peace that’s beyond my understanding for my family as we move into the next chapter.