Already

He’s a month old. 

He’s lost his newbornness.  He’s quit peeling that first layer of getting-adjusted-to-air skin.  He’s lost his cord.  His fingernails are thicker than paper.  He will never have that meconium poop again.  He’s learned how to cry without forgetting to breathe.  He won’t tolerate swaddling anymore.

He’s traded that wrinkly skin that doesn’t quite fit for a robust pink, plump as he can get, creases that are difficult to find the end of, fat rings on his arms, nicknamed “fathead” for those huge cheeks that jiggle when he rides in the van.  He’s outgrown the “newborn” outfits and now is seeing the end of the 0-3 months clothes.  He’s well into the size one diapers.

He’s smiling.  He’s cooing.  He’s stretching his sleep at night to 5, 6, even as long as 8 hours one time.

Shortly after sharing that I was losing my mind one diaper at a time, I did regain my perspective.  Thanks to all of your sweet words, prayers on my behalf, and getting a little more sleep.  The same day that I let you in on my “losing it-ness” a sweet friend called to say that “none of the family is sick, could we please just bring you some chicken fettucine – we won’t get out of the van if you don’t want, we just want to keep you from cooking tonight.”  That kindness was followed shortly by another wonderful friend sending Steven Curtis Chapman’s new album This Moment with the note “Listen to track 7 – I know you will appreciate it.  Share it with other great moms you know. – Joyce”  It took me a full day to get up my nerve to listen to it.  I know, I’m a coward.  But I knew by the title of “track 7″ that I was not going to make it through the song with dry eyes.  Matt sat down with me the next morning and we listened to One Heartbeat At A Time.

One Heartbeat At A Time
Steven Curtis Chapman
Video/Photo montage created by “Ibelong2JC”

 

“You’re up all night with a screaming baby
You run all day at the speed of life
And every day you feel a little bit less
Like the beautiful woman you are

So you fall into bed when you run out of hours
And you wonder if anything worth doing got done
Oh, maybe you just don’t know
Or maybe you’ve forgotten

You, you are changing the world
One little heartbeat at a time
Making history with every touch and every smile
Oh, you, you may not see it now
But I believe that time will tell
How you, you are changing the world
One little heartbeat at a time

With every “I know you can do it”
Every tear that you kiss away
So many little things that seem to go unnoticed
They’re just like the drops of rain over time
They become a river

And you, you are changing the world
One little heartbeat at a time
Making history with every touch and every smile
Oh, you, you may not see it now
But I believe that time will tell
How you, you are changing the world
One little heartbeat at a time

You’re beautiful
You’re beautiful
How you’re changing the world
You’re changing the world

You, you are changing the world
One little heartbeat at a time
Making history with every touch and every smile
Oh, you, you may not see it now
But I believe that time will tell
How you, you are changing the world
Oh, I believe that you
You are changing the world
One little heartbeat
At a time

And you’re changing the world”

I cried.  And remembered what I was doing.  And why.  And thanked my Father for friends who give what they know I need, when I don’t know I need it.

And rejoiced in the blessings that He’s given me.  Even when the level of “crap” that gathers around me hasn’t changed a bit.  But I can rejoice because the eyes that I look upon it with, have refocused. 

On my children.  That are growing older and farther from me every day.

And I rejoice that he’s one month old.

Already.