Is there any other kind right now?
Some of you know the long term struggle we’ve had finding and staying in a church. I’m sure it has something to do with my unrealistic standards of what true community amongst Christ followers and worship of God should look like. I’m sure that a part of it is that I don’t have the boldness to speak what I believe to be truth (or not). I know a part of it has to do with living too far away from some of the churches that we’ve loved (or at least accepted as imperfect). Surely part of it is that I didn’t grow up going to a church every time the doors were open. Maybe it has something to do with my tendency to be different in most things. Maybe it’s because I live in the Bible belt where churches are in no short supply but serving others is much harder to come by. Possibly it’s because we’re in the South where tradition is more revered than Truth. Maybe it’s because I over-think everything, particularly when it comes to what my children are learning. Whatever the reason, I sit here after yet another somewhat disappointing and nearly appalling attempt at church the other day.
Mulling over the events of the evening with my husband, who for the record just laughed more than anything else – I’m the emotional one that just couldn’t get it, I realized that this event made my Top 10 Most Unbelievable Moments in Church. We went to an evening service at a church we had not attended before. We took all of our children and were excited/apprehensive about keeping them with us through the service – something we have never done before, aren’t sure we’ll do every time, don’t have a strong belief on, but were more than willing to try. We sat in the balcony to curb the bothersomeness that we knew would be our children to others. (And here, I could stop and preach on this as well because really, do you think the early church had a children’s service or do you think that Jesus didn’t have any truth for us but only for the 1st century when he said, “Let the little children come to me” or that He was compartmentalizing when God said “children are a blessing”, but I may just save it for another day.) We received strange looks, but no welcomes. I thought we were doing relatively well with only one step out to quiet our 3 year old. When after just a moment we came back in and sat down to see that the church was preparing for communion. I leaned over to briefly (again extremely quietly) re-explain to my 2 oldest what was going on, and after a very quiet conferring with my husband, told the boys they would not be partaking this time. The grape juice and crackers were passed out. I noticed that it was handed to even the youngest of children that were in the service down below us. While waiting with one other family upstairs for them to come around to us, the deacons walked back down to the front and they began to pray over it. They had passed us by. They had not come upstairs. The three men who had been working the sound upstairs near us went downstairs to partake without letting us know we should come downstairs if we wanted to be a part of this Rememberance. They then dismissed the service (which to my understanding some churches do after communion on a Sunday night, something that kind of holds an intrigue for me). As we were processing what had just happened and explaining to the older children who understood that something had happened, we then had a couple of people awkwardly say “hi” on their way out the door.
What on earth?
Maybe it was because they didn’t know us and didn’t know if we were “saved”. Maybe. But to that, I say, that should be our decision. Maybe it was because they have a policy about not bringing it upstairs. Maybe. But when you have to pass by us to go down to take it, maybe you could mention that to us. Maybe, as is evidently “custom” in some churches to only offer Communion to “members of the church”. Really? It’s a private club? A members only kind of thing? What happened to “This is my body, given for you. As often as you do this, do this in remembrance of Me.” What happened to God so loved the world?
What is going on?
And for me it isn’t just this moment in this church. It isn’t even the other Most Notorious 10 Moments in Church. It’s that I feel like we’ve lost the meaning of church. His Church. When you study “church” and how it began (and I don’t mean how the organization and buildings came about) you realize that at its core it’s incredibly simple. And yet unreachably complex. It was people that had heard or seen Jesus and believed Him to be the Christ. They believed that He held hope. That His teachings were true, that He had been foretold for generations before He came. They believed that what they were doing was wrong and that there was Something Right. They believed that they had a need. That there was one God. And that He was approachable. They believed that they had been healed in the best way possible. And they desperately wanted others to know of their joy. And they were as excited to find others who had something in common with them as I am when the woman standing behind me in the grocery check out has several small children and she homeschools too – “Can we trade emails? I’d love to visit with you!” They wanted to be together. They wanted to learn more. They wanted to worship The One that had changed their entire existence. Together. And they heard of the disciples. The ones who knew Him best. And these people came and taught and corrected and loved and lived and then traveled on. And the ones left behind struggled to let go of their past lives and embrace this new life so full of love and, well, newness. They learned to share what they had, accept others that were different, they lived life together. They prayed together, they praised their Lord together. They had community.
And while I don’t really pine for those days of old completely. I like my computer. I like my bathtub. I like my amenities. There is something to it. The structure was born out of necessity. The “church” was getting bigger. And that was great! It was what they were praying for. But with growth came a need for more rules. This shows in our families even today – with fewer children there is less need for systems in the home, but as we add more babies to the mix, we’ve discovered there had better be a plan or there will be chaos – we can’t all use the potty at the same time after all! And this comes from a fallen world. The deacons wouldn’t have been needed at all had everyone naturally done their part in taking care of everyone. To see a need and handle it. But, alas, we sin, we get self-centered, we expect, since there are so many others around, that somebody will take care of it. And they were adding people daily that needed guidance. What was this loving our enemies ? You mean that persnickety old widow that talks your ear off needs my help? And the church grew in numbers that we can’t even imagine in one sitting. And in all that growth it’s hard to see the person and not the impersonal group of people. When you combine this with the long tradition of religion and doing things “just so” in these southern states you have a recipe for disaster. It was not this way always. Certain needs brought certain methods. And the church adapted over many years. But now it has mostly ceased to adapt. “It’s just the way we do it.” Really? Why? There comes a time to go back to the absolute basics, find the Truth that must not be thrown out, and evaluate all the rest. But in the meantime, what do we do? Those who want community and discipleship, who want to disciple and serve, without all of the legalities. I’m left frustrated and wanting more. And I know I can’t be the only one. The only one that doesn’t “get” the “churchy” ways.
Most of the time I write with answers floating in my head. This time I got nothin’. This time I only have questions.
