February 16th, 2009 Once upon a time, I only thought this:
is what my nightmares were made of. Then today happened. And I didn’t get pictures.
“Mama, what dis? What dis, Mama?” BigMan wanders into the house from the front porch.
“Whatchya got, buddy?” As I nonchalantly glance over.
And then my world flipped upside down.
A mole had been carried in by my 23 month old and dropped onto the floor. A mole that Frosty Cornflakes had given to us as a doorstep treat about a week ago. A mole that I thought I had thoroughly disposed of once. A mole that broke into 3 pieces when it fell to the floor.
And while my mind reeled and I tried to recover enough to form a get-rid-of-it-clean-the-baby-simultaneously game plan I noticed that the mole began to move. But not like crawl off. At least not of its own doing.
Then I saw them. Maggots. I don’t know how you feel about them, but I can barely speak the word without throwing up a little in my mouth. Now, I already know that two of you suckers have similar stories and that you found them interesting. Who are you people anyway?! Are you from this planet?
I picked up the baby, while trying to breathe and whisked him off to wash his hands. Over and over and over and over and over…
Then I made a move I regret.
I called my husband while I still could not breathe well. Ladies, you know where this is heading.
The only reason I could give for this move is that I wanted moral support and I wanted to take myself out of the scene just a little. I wanted somebody to talk me through my next move. Because talking myself into actually getting something to pick up all the wiggling rotting parts is like talking myself into jumping out of an airplane. To my death.
My husband answered the phone to my whiny, breathless, gagging “I need you to help me!” Your husband would have taken this well, right? Followed by, “Nobody’s hurt.” After 20 seconds of trying to speak I finally got out the unspeakable. My husband later told me at that moment, contemplating “a mole?”, that he simultaneously felt elation and undefiled anger. But still managed to ask me if I wanted him to come right home and then talked me through the removal.
In the end, I did get it out of the house. I did pinesol the floor. I did thank my poor husband. I did bathe my baby and myself. Over and over and over and over…
February 16th, 2009 I figured while I had all y’all’s feathers ruffled I’d go ahead and put a few more of my friends on the chopping block over our tax refund. We filed. Correctly. It was accepted. We were given a direct deposit date. Then they moved it. And moved it again. And moved it again. Now for some of y’all that aren’t livin’ paycheck to paycheck and that the economy is not affecting at all just look the other way. For us, this is a frustrating waiting game. And when you google this, you’ll realize it’s not just a couple of folks that are stumped and in a hard spot waiting on that return. Where is the word on this? Are you watching the news? Because I am, and I haven’t heard one word about it. But it’s all over the internet. I don’t remember this problem in the last few years, do you?
So, how’s that stimulus package workin’ out for ya?
February 14th, 2009 I’m sure that my recent condition has pushed me over the emotional edge about the octuplets’ mama.
And I rarely rant on such things anymore, because, well, I’m not in their shoes, time has made me realize I actually know very little other than what I’m living, that the more I learn the less I know, that I’ve grown to hate “issues”, but love people, that things change and the hero I had yesterday is just as human and sinful as I am today (can we all say Michael Phelps? But even then, give him a break. My Constant and my Rock is not of this earth, all others will fail me and that’s okay, because the sheer amount of times that I fail myself outnumbers any expectations I have for anyone else). But after watching the Ann Curry interview the other night I was ready to spit. So I just gotta say..
Have you seen the mama interviewed? And you came away hating HER and not Ann Curry? Really? If you’ve ever had babies. Been broke. Trusted God. Believed that God is the sole creator,giver, and taker of life, no matter what we do or don’t do. Wanted babies. Gave completely of yourself to another person. Much less, a lot of little persons. If you’ve ever identified, in some way with her, I’m betting there is very little judgement in your heart. I kept saying, prior to actually seeing the interview, so what kind of mother is she to her first 6 babies? Surely, if she’s a rotten parent it would be all over the news since they’re picking apart everything else. She seems to love those babies. The kicker for me (and there were a lot of them, such as focusing on the other kids and making them look like they were giving up so much to gain so little, oh.my.goodness. you really have no idea do you?) was when Ann Curry asked her if she was being selfish to have more babies. Really, Ann, really? Are you for real? That is a question asked by people who haven’t spent more than a few minutes in sole responsibility for another human being that they loved more than themselves. And 400something in food stamps for how many kids? Are you kidding me? You’re worried about your hard-earned tax dollars going to support “somebody like that”? Have you seen what all your tax dollars support? I sure haven’t, but the little I do know sends me into new bouts of anger. Don’t get me started on the govermental assistance programs. And the breakdowns of the recipients. I’m goin’ there. I’ve been inside that system. I know. I’ve been a care-giver of the state’s children and an acceptor of it’s assistance at different times. Please. Someone who is caring for their children and will eventually be giving back to the system? C’mon.
The real, nitty gritty, in your face reason that she is being crucified in the media is because our country has problems. Real problems. We don’t value life.
Period.
We have become a culture that is so centered on making money, getting more, being more, focusing on what’s right for me. Now. That we’ve lost what a blessing children are. We ostracize and criticize those that are outside of the norm. And right now, the norm is 1-2 children. Maybe. And then, only in glossy magazine pages where life is clean and simple and put in it’s place. But there is an undercurrent. There is a culture within our ever-increasing self-pleasing one that at least has an interest in large families. It’s why the media has made Jon & Kate rich. We wonder what it’s like. We want to see. We even have the Duggar’s on tv now, because some part of us wants to turn away from ourselves and see if all that unknowing hate that we have is founded. Or not. Do you not think there just might be something wrong with our current culture when a woman who is going to school (graduate school, at that, from my understanding) who loves her children and wanted them desperately is run through the mud, but 2 teenage girls can sit on a stage in front of millions at the Grammy’s and sing about 15 year old girls losing their virginity and be given our accolades? Where are our priorities? Where is our conscience? And, heck, while we’re at it, when you go to buy your own teenaged daughter one of their cds, why don’t you just donate the money to a mother that just might teach her children something different?
February 13th, 2009 I know for some of you this will just be boring. That’s okay. These are mainly for me, to remember someday. I wish I’d been blogging since the first one. So neat to go back and look at BigMan’s updates now.
(For the record, this is within hours of TheMiddlest being born. This was TheOldest’s first moment with him.)
First of all, I’m like a minute preggie. I’m five weeks. I’m due around October 16. I haven’t been to the doc yet so you know that number can change greatly, though, for the record, with the last 3 my estimated date ended up closer than the doctor’s. Yes, just like the last 3, this sweet baby was planned. By us. But really how much does that matter? The first was a complete surprise, to us, but God had the timing just right. And we all know that he opens and closes wombs according to His plan, so we could plan all we want and not have another if it’s not His plan, right? Anyway, that’s a sidenote. But somehow, one we get asked so I thought I would address it.
I just started feeling pregnant. Like yesterday. Though, again, I’m sure it’s because I generally know what to look for from my body. Queasy. Not sick, just lack of motivation with a twinge of “ugh.” I hope this one goes like the others as far as sickness. I don’t know why, I just haven’t been that sick with the others. Like I’ve only actually thrown up twice. In all the combined pregnancies. Don’t hate me, it’s nothing I do or don’t do. But I usually have mega-queasy-don’t-want-to-get-off-the-couch-don’t-make-me-smell-anything nausea. Today not so much as yesterday. Time will tell how the rest plays out.
I’m tired. Like yesterday, let the boys play on the ‘puter and watch the tv in the living room while I started a Barbie movie for my girl in my room and laid down next to her with BigMan to entice him to take a second nap. Which he and I took together (you know, in between “Mama, look, her just did a pretty dance like this.. Look, Mama. Look, etc.) At 4:30pm. That went well for about 30 minutes. Until 8:00 when I wanted him to actually go to sleep for the night and he was hittin’ his second wind. Oh well. Gotta do what you gotta do.
I’m cold. All.The.Time. Miserable shivery cold. I remember this from at least the last pregnancy. One of the first indicators for me. I don’t get hot until it’s way toward the end usually. But cold. Like when I was in high school and a skinny minny needed meat on my bones kid.
I’m broken out. Like a school girl.
My first prenatal will be March 9th. With a new doctor. In a new clinic. I’m excited. LOVED my old doc, but for various reasons, not personal to him or the clinic AT ALL, I will be changing.
I wasn’t aiming for this particular due date. We have 3 spring babies and 1 September baby. It’s just how the timing played out this time. Which I’m fine with. At least I won’t be 9 months pregnant in August (though October in Arkansas can be pretty close sometimes). Glad I’ll be delivering before the holidays start. Probably won’t be making our Halloween costumes this year (though, I’ve been known to eat my words many a time). It will probably make me focus more on “being” than “doing” in the holiday prep (sure hope I don’t eat those words). I will probably be a little more protective, since that time of year is prime for baby sicknesses.
I’m hoping for natural delivery (since I’ve come pretty close before without choosing it), we’ll see. But with that whole group B strep/IV frustration of the last 2 pregnancies.. we’ll just have to wait and see.
Don’t have a name picked out. My girl does, but I’ve vetoed Sparkle and Ninja.
Don’t have a preference on gender. My girl does, so if you feel so inclined you can pray for God’s will in that. For her.
We are not as “stuff” prepared for this one as we have been for nearly all the others. Remember about a year and a half ago when I repeatedly said that BigMan would be our last, short of a few miracles? Well, we were blessed with more than a few. But I knew then, and I know now, “stuff” always just came into our lives for them. And I know it will again. And I knew it was time to pass on all that we had at the time to others. I’m calm and content with this. And as further proof, before Maury even knew for sure that I was expecting, she called with one of her soon-to-be outgrown items. Such a blessing. And besides, with each child, I’ve learned more and more, that the “stuff” is added icing. Nice, wonderful, make your life easier icing. But most of it, icing nonetheless.
Which leads me to one of the first things my honey said to me when we found out. He said, “Wow. I’m excited! And scared. Excited and scared.” I was surprised by that. I found myself this time markedly not scared. Provision is something God has taken care of for us. And with proof, there is less faith that you feel you must rely on. You see it clearly. Time and again when we couldn’t provide, but knew He had blessed us with the babies and walked on faith, He provided. So I asked my honey, “Why scared?” And he answered my heart completely, “I just want to get through these next nine months of doctors and tests and ultrasounds and hospitals. I’m not at all worried about money or how we can handle them anymore. I’m just worried about getting you and the new baby through October. Let’s get the baby here and I’ll be fine.” Exactly. Somehow, even knowing God’s heart, it’s hard to fight off that nagging superstition in the back of your mind that “well, everything’s gone so well for so many, I must be pushing the numbers game by now.” I know that’s not my Father. I know it. It’s just a weakness that I have to fight against.
Oh, and another frequently asked question I get is what do the kids think? It’s hard to tell who’s more excited.. them or me. Amazing. I couldn’t have guessed how much they would love each other and the thought of having another. How much they look at other babies in public and talk about how sweet they are and if ours will be like that. What they’ll teach the new one. How much they want to hold another so little. And how will BigMan, Mr. Must Have Mama’s Sole Attention, be? Just fine. If you’ll remember he already shares me with 3 others. I’m excited about how he’ll respond. He sure loves being around our friends’ babies now!
But my question for you is: when in public we already get “Boy, you sure have your hands full!” all the time, as though my older children don’t get the disdain. What do you say? How do you handle it? Maybe I should just get one of those funny t-shirts with one of those witty comments and wear it when I go out in public?
February 12th, 2009 
Y’all are so good! And here’s another of that Middlest baby. Look at that face. Crackin’ me up! I should’ve known then what a cut up he would be. This is SO him!
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