tonight i was lining the kids up for baths and thinking again that i should really do a “how i do what i do” post on bathing in our house, when i got to my oldest child.  a boy.  i went ahead and washed his hair and his feet (flip-flops and the park leave their mark) since i had run a full bath for the others and we were likely going to run out of hot water and definitely out of time before bed for his very own shower that he now takes all the time.  i then handed him the soap and told him to “finish up.”  he stood and turned around to wash.  when did this happen?  when did this child that i knew every dimple, every flaw, every perfection begin to turn into a stranger? 

and of course, the answer is: a little at a time.  when he no longer wore diapers, no longer needed help dressing, wiping, buckling his seatbelt, washing his hands.  and i’m aware (acutely so) that it will continue along this path until i wonder who it is that stands before me.

i recognize it in the ones coming up after him, as well.  they are slowly becoming the people i’m striving so hard to get them to be.  my sweet second child that i, somehow assumed would never get big, is.  my girl, who is just coming out of diapers, is taking her first strides into independence.  and i’m a little sad at the loss of the knowledge of every aspect of their little lives.  even as i celebrate their bigness each step of the way. 

may i continue to walk that line of parenting carefully and mindfully and joyfully.