it bothered me last night after i put my views on abortion in my post. and i prayed about it. and i felt like, instead of just deleting it, that i should clarify some things that have brought me to this point of view.
first of all, i have friends, close friends that have had abortions. i can think of 5 girls i know well immediately. and i know, having seen them go through it, that it leaves incredible scars. they talk of the anniversary of the death, of when their birthday would have been, would they have been able to make it with the baby, they look at other people with children and think of about how old their child would’ve been. it’s heartbreaking. i do not judge them. i love them and i hate that they hurt over this. i would counsel someone to do differently if i could, but in the meantime i would hold their hand while they were hurting. my compassion is as strong as my convictions.
second of all, like i mentioned in the post, i believe God when he tells us in psalm 138:13-16: (a)For you formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother’s womb. (b)I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; wonderful are Your works, and my soul knows it very well. (c)My frame was not hidden from You, when i was made in secret, and skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth; Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; (d)and in Your book were all written the days that were ordained for me, when as yet there was not one of them.
(a) He did it, no matter what we look like or what “defects” the world says we have. (b) we give thanks. period. we don’t lament, we don’t whine, we don’t “fix” what God didn’t do “right” He didn’t slip and say, “oops, i didn’t mean to do that, but it’ll be okay” (c)”skillfully wrought” also means “embroidered” “the finishing touches” – in other words, the fancy part of our quilt making or curtain sewing. the pretty parts. and He did it, once again, we weren’t hidden from Him. (d) our days were all written and ordained when there was not yet ONE of them.
third of all, i have been raped, as you’ve read before, i only mention this because i used to rely on this argument before i was. i waited, after that night to see if i would have a period, would i need a test. it was a long wait. in silence and hiding and depression. i debated it, because i always held that it was one of the only reasons women should. and here i was. i finally decided before the period came, that i would keep the child. and this was WAY before i had learned how to forgive him. this child had nothing to do with him or what happened. how could i make another terrible life altering decision for me, much less the child, out of a bad situation. no, if God gave me a baby, then i would take care of what He had entrusted to me. incredibly, i was never faced with the baby in reality. it didn’t happen.
fourth of all, our second son had spina bifida. we saw all the tests, we saw the hole in his spinal column on the ultrasound. and we saw God close it in front of us. it was not by our hands or our will or the doctor or because we were “blessed” and others aren’t (which is bunk by the way.) it was because God had a different plan. i don’t know why. we were offered to “eliminate the pregnancy”. we chose the “risk”. my point being, sometimes the risk is real. and God chooses not to heal. and i don’t know why. but we don’t know how the outcome will be. we don’t know who will glorify God through our situations and that is our point in life (whether it sounds right or not). i have known many people with “defects” that we think should curse God, but they glorify Him and love Him more than i ever will. how is that possible? i don’t know, but i know He doesn’t tell us to rely on our own wisdom. i also know, that a child in pain for it’s entire life then to die young is not something that God wants. He loves our children more than we do, but our life here is but a vapor. it’s so fast, and again, i don’t know how that child’s terrible little life falls into the plan, but we can’t know His plan.
fifth of all, if i was told with this baby growing in my belly now (which i obviously pray is not the case) that my life would be at risk if i carried the baby to term, i would be in a hard spot. that would leave my husband with 4 children to raise on his own, one of which would be a newborn. would i risk the rest of the lives and their outcomes for my determination to carry that baby. probably. again, i would have to hope that there would be a miracle with which to praise God to all the nations – like with our second born. and then, trust that if it didn’t come out the way that we would want that God had a different more wonderful plan for my husband and children and that He was working for good in their lives for the future.
i do not expect this post to change your mind. i don’t. i simply thought it would be good for me to let you know why i think the way i do. we never have to talk about this again and we can go on as if this discussion never happened. or i’m open to many questions and we can dialogue. your decisions have to line up with scripture. all of scripture. your life has to be infused with His word in order to make the decisions He would have you to make. “they meant it for evil, but He used it for good.” we must trust that if we wouldn’t give our own children a snake or a rock that His gifts are even better than what we can imagine. our lives are about a bigger picture. and we just fit into it.