Understanding »

i’m currently eating shrimp ramen with lime. and having to swallow hard with every bite. and this is the best i could come up with in the house.

have i mentioned i’m sick. and tired. i think i might just be pregnant.

Somethin' »

finding joy - lesson 2
who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

here’s the synopsis of last wednesday night ladies’ Bible study. sorry, it’s late!!

we discussed Luke 10:38-42, the martha-i’m-sick-of-doing-everything-alone, Jesus-make-my-sister, mary,-help-me story.
first of all, can i just say, i’m so martha. gotta get everything done before i can sit down and enjoy myself. and we talked about how martha’s personality of being a do-er is not the problem, for all you do-ers, like me. the problem was that she was letting it get to her that mary wasn’t a do-er she was a be-er, particularly when it came to sitting with the Lord. Jesus didn’t fuss at her for being a do-er, as one of the women wednesday pointed out, what if service was one of martha’s love languages. indeed, God built her personality into her, but not the jealousy/grumbling part. that’s what Jesus addressed.

what was great, was looking at verse 40 and seeing that martha’s real problem was her “distraction” from what really mattered. oh, so me.

i also liked this quote from richard carlson, the man who wrote “don’t sweat the small stuff”, “So many of us live our lives as if the secret purpose is to somehow get everything done. We stay up late, get up early, avoid having fun, and keep our loved ones waiting…. I find that if I remind myself (frequently) that the purpose of life isn’t to get it all done but to enjoy each step along the way and live a life filled with love, it’s far easier for me to control my obsession with completing my list of things to do.” did i mention, this is me?

we offered prayers of gratitude for a specific insight we gained from this lesson so far and then wrote down on small slips of paper one upcoming situation or activity we’re feeling anxious about, our name and phone number, and passed it to the woman on our right. we’re to call the woman who’s concern we received, this week, ask her how she’s feeling about it, encourage her with something we learned in this lesson, and find out how we can help her with it.

our homework this week is to rewrite psalm 27:4-6 in our own words. we are to spend a few minutes meditating on it each day this week, considering which of the benefits of keeping our focus on God are real in our lives right now.
-psalm 27:4-6-
One thing I have asked from the Lord, that I shall seek: That I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord and to meditate in His temple. For in the day of trouble He will conceal me in His tabernacle; in the secret place of His tent He will hide me; He will lift me up on a rock. And now my head will be lifted up above my enemies around me, and I will offer in His tent sacrifices with shouts of joy; I will sing, yes, I will sing praises to the Lord.

thanks for joining us again! next time, bring some fruit, sip some ice water, get ready to wrangle kids and pray above the happy insanity of the playing and fighting that’s all around us. we’ve got enough sippy cups, diapers, and toys to go ’round, but you gotta bring your own laughter - we don’t ever have enough!

HeSays, Somethin' »

can you hear the madden game? “he didn’t get it.”

ok, i bawled for an hour. even on the phone with matt when i should have been encouraging. most of the time i don’t get involved in the business part of our marriage - that’s his job and i have too much to do just battling the army of ants that threaten a takeover of our living room every morning. but this time i just knew we had it. i was already cleaning with organization of a move. i couldn’t believe it. and i didn’t post yesterday because i didn’t want to hear what i already knew, God has it, He closed it, it’s not the right time. i know these things, i just wanted to swim in my misery for a while a la elijah’s runaway after jezebel’s botched murder attempt. he cried, slept, cried, slept, God fed him and let him be miserable for a while and when elijah was still whining about being God’s only prophet (when there were, like, 300 actually) then God said, “what are you doing?” that’s me. i just wanted to cry. and in the midst of talking to God about my feelings i realized i was thankful for the quick answer and for delivering us from whatever He was protecting us from. and the thankfulness spread. by the time my honey walked in the door he said he was just relieved that the stress of the wait was over. we could move on. the relief in the house is now tangible. but let me say again, this was not my initial response. i was hysterical for an hour and then cried and moped for at least another hour and a half. please don’t read this post as a holier than thou, “i knew just what to do and did it and look at how great i am.” not by far. i’m just saying don’t pity me now. because i did it enough in 3 hours for all of you! and please look at the big picture - it’s just a job. we’ve been here a million times before. God has provided more in times of less for us. please. it’s truly alright. i just wanted to update everybody. thanks for the prayers and the interest. now, on to the important stuff - ending the world war III battle raging between my boys over who knows what!

i posted this and then got this email from pearl. i love being in one accord. he says stuff so much better than me!

There is no struggle.
>
> I keed. I keed.
>
> I am happy to be where I am.
> Broke?
> So what.
> I am well acquainted with broke.
> I am comfortable with broke.
> I am not sure that I would respond well to non-broke.
>
> You see, I believe that I am living out my little story, which ties in with
> the big picture, the Epic (if you will) that is life. I am happy with my
> role thus far.
> I am a subplot to the subplot to the subplot that is the Epic.
> It’s a good place.
> All the world is a stage, and we are but actors.
> I like being “Singing Navy Bean #7″ WAY better than the lead role of “Peter
> Rabbit”.
>
> Selah.

TheKiddos »

week 6

the baby is steadily growing and forming new organs. it still looks much like a little alien (don’t be afraid, mark, this goes away pretty soon, and i’m fairly certain who the daddy is!). one noteworthy thing - the lenses of the eyes develop this week. pretty cool.

i’m sleepy. it’s not terrible, but you know, falling asleep on the couch with the kiddos, on the floor while they’re playing, in my dinner plate is not so much fun! but, it’s temporary and it will get worse before it gets better, so it makes it very tolerable. that’s one of the great things about this being the fourth time around, there’s none of that, “will this ever end?” feeling - because it’s a known fact that with each child the pregnancy shortens by 2.5 months.
not really queasy yet, i am reacquainting myself with that old friend tums already. oh, how i’d missed you, my chalky friend!

my belly’s out there. how?, you ask? because what the official books call a “bag of muscles” that surrounds my uterus is, for me - a bag of jelly. another little known fact… you can’t look like cindy crawford after having babies this close together. instead, picture the current brittany spears you saw on the special interview. it ain’t nothin’ nice.

however, i must say, the 2-5 “permanent” pounds that the official book says you will gain after each baby - it has gone roughly the other direction for me. although, before you get too jealous and hate me too much go back and read last week’s post on the baby “pregnancy in numbers” - i think i never had enough time after weaning to put my weight back on, so i didn’t do anything great (excercise, eat healthy - what’s that?), i just cheated the system by going on the lactation diet. it’s the newest trend. sorry, guys. i threatened this time to nurse gracie til she was 14 so that i could eat all that i wanted. so watch out when i know this one’s the last! i may be THAT mom. my honey said maybe that could be my job that we’re constantly brainstorming when i get the last child in kindergarten - anybody need a wet nurse?

my oldest’s decided this one’s a girl again. “our girl needs a sister and we already have 2 boys” my middlest boy changes his mind frequently. i will say, my oldest called the last baby. so we’ll see. i need ideas on biblical girl first names. and get creative because i’ve already researched this and rachel, sarah/sarai, mary, rahab (for reasons obvious), sapphira (although i pushed for ananias - pearl said we can’t name a girl after a guy that was struck down immediately for lying to God. such a stickler!), jezebel (oh, c’mon somebody out there likes this), esther (madonna ruined this one for me) or ruth (veggietales, “my aunt ruth had a beard, it was weird.”) are all out. we know what it will be if it’s a boy. 

no doctor yet. i called the doctor that delivered our second, because that went great and even with my quick deliveries, if i left when labor started i would still get to little rock in plenty of time - my labors go about 5-6 hours total. they take medicaid, but not the good medicaid that covers all medical - including pregnancy, but only the pregnant woman’s medicaid. i’m holding on looking elsewhere hoping that the entergy job comes through with real medical - who could imagine?! so, no panic here yet.

i did realize that this baby will come right before t-ball starts and this year i’ll have 2 in it, but they’ll be on the same team, and i’ll only have my girl and the babyslug to tote/chase after. i love it. it will make great posts, i’m sure!

Somethin' »

waiting is so hard.

today is the first day that we could even possibly hear back from the interview with entergy. it’s been 2 weeks today. pearl’s was the first interview - on monday. they interviewed through thursday and they have fridays off. then the main guy hiring was on a week long trip to houston. so they said it would probably be this week. we’ve done pretty well waiting the 2 weeks, but today is hard. and logically, i know they’re probably not going to call the new hire monday morning when they have a week’s worth of catching up to do. and i’ve discovered in the 2 hours i’ve been up that i’m doing everything i can to distract myself - reading about labor and pregnancy, getting online - and that it’s not working, i’m just pacing the floor in my mind… but i know that’s a sign of my not trusting God. when my oldest boy asks me for a treat and i tell him to wait until i finish what i’m doing he usually starts whining and throwing a fit. and my immediate response to him is, “can you trust me, please, that i will do what i said i’m gonna do? just chill out, get involved in something else, and when i call you it will be a mini-surprise.” i’m reflecting God’s response to me. and, now, i’m modeling my son’s response to Him. i tell my boy to think about how many times i’ve lied to him or intentionally let him down and to rely on those things. i need to do the same. i need to look up the verses about being my rock. and that i will wait upon the Lord. and i need to remember the things He’s done so many times before. and ultimately trust that the outcome of this job is not the end-all. that God’s plan for our lives is larger than where we work - except maybe who we can encourage in our surroundings. Your will, Lord.

thank y’all for listening to my ramblings, but it helps me to work through where i am to where i need to be.

Somethin' »

i’ve noticed in the last few weeks that fear keeps coming up. in my close ring of blogs and in my conversations. and i’ve been thinking for a while, as verses come to my head, that i should let those verses out so that they can comfort others and not just me. this is near to my heart because i used to struggle with severe fear. just a few of the fears i battled constantly were… fear of aliens, fear of being abducted. fear of my closet - the point that when i got married i still wouldn’t go to bed with the closet door open. in high school i would flip the light off at my door and run to my bed and jump on it -really - i didn’t want to get close to the underside of the bed. i was afraid of being raped. i locked my car doors the instant i got in the car. only after checking the underneath of the car before i approached and then the backseat and floorboards before i got in and sat down. when i had jonah i was immobilized with fear the first week he was home - sids, i would do something wrong, i would hurt him. when i began to study the Bible i began to be afraid of demons and the battle raging around us. i was afraid of dying and losing my familly. when i lived in dollarway and matt worked nights i was afraid of the crime all around and that it would reach me. all of that’s besides being afraid of people not liking me, on not fitting in. and with the current possibility of megeddo on our doorstep in israel, well… it goes on.

and then my husband started talking to me about the “whys”. he prompted a self-examination of my fears. and in that searching myself i began to find what God said about my fears. it’s not that they’re not legitimate, to the contrary, most are. it’s that God had very specific things to say about fear and our response to them. i internalized them, spent time with them and then while studying revelation (with the help of david jeremiah), my view of why we’re here on earth began to shift. i began to see the world through a different off-balance view from what i had known before. the fears weren’t dispelled or promised away. not at all. but i suddenly had God’s view of them. and a different perspective. do they still come ’round? of course. but they don’t own me. and i’m free. here’s how.

~Genesis 50:21
“So therefore, do not be afraid; I will provide for you and your little ones.” So he comforted them and spoke kindly to them.

~Exodus 20:20
Moses said to the people, “Do not be afraid; for God has come in order to test you, and in order that the fear of Him may remain with you, so that you may not sin.”

~Deuteronomy 20:3-4
“He shall say to them, ‘Hear, O Israel, you are approaching the battle against your enemies today. Do not be fainthearted. Do not be afraid, or panic, or tremble before them, for the Lord your God is the one who goes with you, to fight for you against your enemies, to save you.’

~Matthew 17:7
And Jesus came to them and touched them and said, “Get up, and do not be afraid.”

~Hebrews 13:6,8
so that we confidently say, “The Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid, what will man do to me?” Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, and today and forever.

~1 John 4:18a
There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear

~Romans 8:15
For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, “Abba! Father!”

as always, look these up and read them in context - it only gets better. and look up fear and afraid in the back of your Bible. it’s overflowing. this is not new to the human race. neither is His response to it. read and enjoy his comfort! and spread the joy!

TheFriends »

i just finished having lunch with a ring of bloggers. brittany; shaun, brittany’s hubby; mandy; lou; lee ann;and taylor. fun stuff!! thanks for making my noontime a treat! now off to naptime!

Somethin' »

finding joy - a small group mission

our wednesday night women’s small group is discussing the fruit of the spirit in our lives. (galatians 5:22) and this week we started a lesson called “finding joy” (women of faith bible study series). the group was asked to list something that brought them joy in the last week no matter how big or small, that i could share with everybody. the colorful card list of joy-bringers brought me yet more joy as i went through them. here they are and may they bring you joy!

~Brandy
1. Fresh baked chocolate chip cookies shared with my family.
2. The Ground! (after 3 long flights from New York).

~Lou
Gaining friends that are positive influence instead of negative. It has been great to have friends who care and hold you accountable.

~Tammie
Praying for people I did not know and will probably never meet again - the unselfishness of it brought me joy.

~Me

I am Pregnant!

~
My joy comes from my family. I was able to talk to my husband and learn more about God’s love. Which makes me love life.

~Lee Ann
I really enjoyed playing with Taylor’s nephew, Eli! He’s soooo cute!

~ “Betsy”     

God has finally brought me to a great church. Mine and Chris’s creation is almost here! Therefore - JOY!

~Mandy
Madison and Carter cuddling on the couch.

we discussed things that can bust our joy - discontent, despair, sin and guilt, feeling abandoned by God, grief, depression, weariness, busyness, worry, betrayal. and then identified our current and chronic joy-busters. we brainstormed ways to prevent those things from stopping our joy - pray, call a friend, focus on someone else’s needs, do something fun, share a laugh; find something to be grateful for, memorize applicable scripture.

and then we picked at least one thing from that list we would do strategically this week to find our joy. we closed by praying for those exact things in each woman’s life. and then to cultivate joy by watching for funny things this week and sharing them with one of the other women, share a laugh, call someone who has a lot of joy in their life and ask what their “secrets” are.

~My soul, wait in silence for God only. For my hope is from Him. He only is my rock and my salvation. My stronghold; I shall not be shaken. On God my salvation and my glory rest; the rock of my strength, my refuge is in God. Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us.~Psalm 62:5-8

TheKiddos »

some of you will be interested in this new weekly installment and some could care less, so for those who care less - learn to skip wednesdays and for those of you who are interested be sure to tune in.

we start week 5 today. 35 weeks to go. our estimated due date (edd) is march 21 - which, incidentally is also my birthday. i now know what my parents were doing 30 years ago on june 28 (the same thing i was doing this year.) okay, i agree, that part is a little too much information. moving on.

the organs and systems began development in the last few weeks. the heart is a four chambered organ that begins pumping blood and beating that oh-so-fast baby beat this week. and the umbilical cord begins forming this week. at this point the baby is still called an embryo.

i’m doing well, i’ve been broken out like a 16 year old for weeks now - this is always my first sign. the tired is sneaking up on me, but you know, how would i be able to distinguish that from the four-year-old-is-insecure-and-needs-mama-in-the-middle-of-the-night, the three-year-old-is-out-of-pull-ups-and-wetting-his-bed-almost-nightly, and the 14-month-old-is-cutting-four-teeth-at-once-plus-15-mosquito-bites tired? no, my nursing apparatuses are not tender because i just weaned oh, a month ago! so, at least, that’s another good thing. my sense of smell seems to be getting stronger again, but it’s just a hunch. approximately 5 times a day i say, “ew, what’s that smell, it’s terrible. whatd’ya mean ‘what smell?’ don’t you smell that? regardless, someone HAS to make it go away.” i’m not really sick to my stomach yet. occasionally i think, “ew, i’m not feeling well, and then i remember that i had a spicy chicken crunch wrap supreme at 10pm. i am feeling the cramp of the stretching of the ligaments around the baby. as if anything has to actually stretch anymore. puh-lease. i think i could wear maternity clothes right now. and the crying. oh the weepiness. oh the horrors. THAT is in full effect. and yet, i love this.

i’m not mid-wiving. (or is it mid-wifing?) i just had the difference explained to me between a nurse midwife and a lay midwife. we only have lay midwives in arkansas - is my understanding. and they only do home deliveries. me and hubby not wild about the how many miles are we from the hospital emergency discussion. so, 4 babies in, and i’m lookin’ for a doctor as if it’s my first. and now, they’re really gonna hate me, ’cause i ain’t no push-over no more. i know what’s comin’ and just how i want it caught. so here’s to findin’ a doctor and a hospital that will actually listen to me.

~a bonus this week~

my pregnancy in numbers

this is my 4th child in 4 years.
when this baby is born i will have a 5 yr old, a 3 yr old, and a 1 yr old. within a month, i will have a 5 year old, a newborn, a 4 year old birthday party and a 2 year old birthday party.
i have had 5 periods since december of 2000 - 6 years.
when the doctor asks me when the first day of my last period was, my answer will be, “june 2004.”
in six years i’ve been pregnant a total of 28 months so far. that’s roughly 850 days of my life. so far. by the end of this one it will be 64 months = roughly 1,934 days.
i’ve nursed a total 40 months so far. that’s 3 years and 4 months. i hope to nurse at least a year, probably more since it will be my last so that will be a minimum of 52 months, 1,466 days.
but, it’s just life to me, it doesn’t feel like it’s all that crazy until i put it down in print. wow.

Understanding »

a short list of things probably not to say to a pregnant woman. especially when it’s her fourth and her oldest is 4.

1. “have you ever heard of birth control?”
2. “i can tell ya what’ll fix that problem for ya.”
3. “you have your hands full, don’t ya?”
4. “those are all yours?”
5. “oh, i’m sorry.”
6. “did you mean to have them all?”
7. “do you ever worry there’s not enough time for them all?”
8. “wow, you must be really lucky to have enough money to stay home with that many children.”
9. “NONE of them go to school yet?”

~and my personal favorite…

10. “you know what causes that don’t ya?”