i’m currently eating shrimp ramen with lime. and having to swallow hard with every bite. and this is the best i could come up with in the house.
have i mentioned i’m sick. and tired. i think i might just be pregnant.
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finding joy – lesson 2 here’s the synopsis of last wednesday night ladies’ Bible study. sorry, it’s late!! we discussed Luke 10:38-42, the martha-i’m-sick-of-doing-everything-alone, Jesus-make-my-sister, mary,-help-me story. what was great, was looking at verse 40 and seeing that martha’s real problem was her “distraction” from what really mattered. oh, so me. i also liked this quote from richard carlson, the man who wrote “don’t sweat the small stuff”, “So many of us live our lives as if the secret purpose is to somehow get everything done. We stay up late, get up early, avoid having fun, and keep our loved ones waiting…. I find that if I remind myself (frequently) that the purpose of life isn’t to get it all done but to enjoy each step along the way and live a life filled with love, it’s far easier for me to control my obsession with completing my list of things to do.” did i mention, this is me? we offered prayers of gratitude for a specific insight we gained from this lesson so far and then wrote down on small slips of paper one upcoming situation or activity we’re feeling anxious about, our name and phone number, and passed it to the woman on our right. we’re to call the woman who’s concern we received, this week, ask her how she’s feeling about it, encourage her with something we learned in this lesson, and find out how we can help her with it. our homework this week is to rewrite psalm 27:4-6 in our own words. we are to spend a few minutes meditating on it each day this week, considering which of the benefits of keeping our focus on God are real in our lives right now. thanks for joining us again! next time, bring some fruit, sip some ice water, get ready to wrangle kids and pray above the happy insanity of the playing and fighting that’s all around us. we’ve got enough sippy cups, diapers, and toys to go ’round, but you gotta bring your own laughter – we don’t ever have enough! can you hear the madden game? “he didn’t get it.” ok, i bawled for an hour. even on the phone with matt when i should have been encouraging. most of the time i don’t get involved in the business part of our marriage – that’s his job and i have too much to do just battling the army of ants that threaten a takeover of our living room every morning. but this time i just knew we had it. i was already cleaning with organization of a move. i couldn’t believe it. and i didn’t post yesterday because i didn’t want to hear what i already knew, God has it, He closed it, it’s not the right time. i know these things, i just wanted to swim in my misery for a while a la elijah’s runaway after jezebel’s botched murder attempt. he cried, slept, cried, slept, God fed him and let him be miserable for a while and when elijah was still whining about being God’s only prophet (when there were, like, 300 actually) then God said, “what are you doing?” that’s me. i just wanted to cry. and in the midst of talking to God about my feelings i realized i was thankful for the quick answer and for delivering us from whatever He was protecting us from. and the thankfulness spread. by the time my honey walked in the door he said he was just relieved that the stress of the wait was over. we could move on. the relief in the house is now tangible. but let me say again, this was not my initial response. i was hysterical for an hour and then cried and moped for at least another hour and a half. please don’t read this post as a holier than thou, “i knew just what to do and did it and look at how great i am.” not by far. i’m just saying don’t pity me now. because i did it enough in 3 hours for all of you! and please look at the big picture – it’s just a job. we’ve been here a million times before. God has provided more in times of less for us. please. it’s truly alright. i just wanted to update everybody. thanks for the prayers and the interest. now, on to the important stuff – ending the world war III battle raging between my boys over who knows what! i posted this and then got this email from pearl. i love being in one accord. he says stuff so much better than me! There is no struggle. week 6 the baby is steadily growing and forming new organs. it still looks much like a little alien (don’t be afraid, mark, this goes away pretty soon, and i’m fairly certain who the daddy is!). one noteworthy thing – the lenses of the eyes develop this week. pretty cool. i’m sleepy. it’s not terrible, but you know, falling asleep on the couch with the kiddos, on the floor while they’re playing, in my dinner plate is not so much fun! but, it’s temporary and it will get worse before it gets better, so it makes it very tolerable. that’s one of the great things about this being the fourth time around, there’s none of that, “will this ever end?” feeling – because it’s a known fact that with each child the pregnancy shortens by 2.5 months. ;) not really queasy yet, i am reacquainting myself with that old friend tums already. oh, how i’d missed you, my chalky friend! my belly’s out there. how?, you ask? because what the official books call a “bag of muscles” that surrounds my uterus is, for me – a bag of jelly. another little known fact… you can’t look like cindy crawford after having babies this close together. instead, picture the current brittany spears you saw on the special interview. it ain’t nothin’ nice. however, i must say, the 2-5 “permanent” pounds that the official book says you will gain after each baby – it has gone roughly the other direction for me. although, before you get too jealous and hate me too much go back and read last week’s post on the baby “pregnancy in numbers” – i think i never had enough time after weaning to put my weight back on, so i didn’t do anything great (excercise, eat healthy – what’s that?), i just cheated the system by going on the lactation diet. it’s the newest trend. sorry, guys. i threatened this time to nurse gracie til she was 14 so that i could eat all that i wanted. so watch out when i know this one’s the last! i may be THAT mom. my honey said maybe that could be my job that we’re constantly brainstorming when i get the last child in kindergarten – anybody need a wet nurse? my oldest’s decided this one’s a girl again. “our girl needs a sister and we already have 2 boys” my middlest boy changes his mind frequently. i will say, my oldest called the last baby. so we’ll see. i need ideas on biblical girl first names. and get creative because i’ve already researched this and rachel, sarah/sarai, mary, rahab (for reasons obvious), sapphira (although i pushed for ananias - pearl said we can’t name a girl after a guy that was struck down immediately for lying to God. such a stickler!), jezebel (oh, c’mon somebody out there likes this), esther (madonna ruined this one for me) or ruth (veggietales, “my aunt ruth had a beard, it was weird.”) are all out. we know what it will be if it’s a boy. no doctor yet. i called the doctor that delivered our second, because that went great and even with my quick deliveries, if i left when labor started i would still get to little rock in plenty of time – my labors go about 5-6 hours total. they take medicaid, but not the good medicaid that covers all medical – including pregnancy, but only the pregnant woman’s medicaid. i’m holding on looking elsewhere hoping that the entergy job comes through with real medical – who could imagine?! so, no panic here yet. i did realize that this baby will come right before t-ball starts and this year i’ll have 2 in it, but they’ll be on the same team, and i’ll only have my girl and the babyslug to tote/chase after. i love it. it will make great posts, i’m sure!
waiting is so hard. today is the first day that we could even possibly hear back from the interview with entergy. it’s been 2 weeks today. pearl’s was the first interview – on monday. they interviewed through thursday and they have fridays off. then the main guy hiring was on a week long trip to houston. so they said it would probably be this week. we’ve done pretty well waiting the 2 weeks, but today is hard. and logically, i know they’re probably not going to call the new hire monday morning when they have a week’s worth of catching up to do. and i’ve discovered in the 2 hours i’ve been up that i’m doing everything i can to distract myself – reading about labor and pregnancy, getting online – and that it’s not working, i’m just pacing the floor in my mind… but i know that’s a sign of my not trusting God. when my oldest boy asks me for a treat and i tell him to wait until i finish what i’m doing he usually starts whining and throwing a fit. and my immediate response to him is, “can you trust me, please, that i will do what i said i’m gonna do? just chill out, get involved in something else, and when i call you it will be a mini-surprise.” i’m reflecting God’s response to me. and, now, i’m modeling my son’s response to Him. i tell my boy to think about how many times i’ve lied to him or intentionally let him down and to rely on those things. i need to do the same. i need to look up the verses about being my rock. and that i will wait upon the Lord. and i need to remember the things He’s done so many times before. and ultimately trust that the outcome of this job is not the end-all. that God’s plan for our lives is larger than where we work – except maybe who we can encourage in our surroundings. Your will, Lord. thank y’all for listening to my ramblings, but it helps me to work through where i am to where i need to be.  |
 
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