February 28th, 2006
two yell-free days and i’m feelin’ fine. my honey said i was airing my dirty laundry in the last post. AND?! this is the same man that said in the midst of his widebody blogging that i should start a blog on my anger management. if i recall this conversation correctly it was immediately following an overwhelming stay-at-home day with 3 small children under the age of 4 – AT BEDTIME and my man was so supportive that this was the suggestion. so… 4 months later, here i am, being submissive (!) and blogging on my anger. AND THE MAN CRACKS ON ME! AAARRRGGGHHH!
wait. am i yelling again?
this is also the same man that took both sets of keys to the car and house to work (an hour away) this morning. and then said, “i could scan the keys, email it to you, you could print it, and then walk somewhere so they could cut it.” oh, okay. i love this man.
with no segue at all…
i still plan to find time to figure out how to make my site more me. i’ve got to get to kristy’s house to borrow a digital camera, for one. yes, i know, i have a blog and don’t even have a digi. camera. good grief. oh well. and i want to link stuff in my text (any help on this one?).
more random…
my man is back widebodying. yea! i also am still doin’ pretty good. have i mentioned that i need a belt with my size 8 jeans!? i haven’t been this skinny since 1998. bring it on widebody, i’m up for the challenge. i can lose weight AND i can blog. i said bring it on!!
February 27th, 2006
(originally published feb 27, 2006)
why can’t i stop?
i yell. i get angry. and i yell.
and my babies are at the receiving end of this. almost always.
why?
yesterday, sunday, “the Lord’s day”, i yelled.
not your normal yell. i screamed with all i had at them. my oldest cried and was afraid of me.
i have spent most of the last 24 hours crying out to God begging for forgiveness and for my children to not be scarred for my sins, for the screaming cycle to end with me. and for my sins not to be passed to my children’s grandchildren. because, you know, it is. but it doesn’t have to be.
why is there repetitive sin? why must i do the same sins that i know what the results are? the outcome of fear, shame, guilt – it’s exactly the same everytime. this is not new.
yes, i know they still love me.
yes, i know they’re resilient.
yes, i know i’m not perfect and it’s important for them to know this and see the act of being humble, asking forgiveness from those who were sinned against, being forgiven, asking and receiving forgiveness from my Father. yada, yada, yada…
i know what truly matters is that i not yell at my children. for a million and one reasons, maybe most importantly because i know how it feels. and i know the struggle it brings about to connect with an all-patient loving Father when the earthly role models fall so short.
i must get up.
i must accept that my children have forgiven me.
i must accept that God has forgiven me – the first time i asked.
i must get up.
February 26th, 2006
Good Morning, Good Morning, Good Morning!
It’s Time To Rise And Shine!
Good Morning, Good Morning, Good Morning!
I Hope You’re Feeling Fine!
Good Morning, Get Up, Get Out Of Bed!
You’ve Gotta Get Up You Sleepy Head!
The Day Is Calling You!
Toodle-Y Doo!
Toodle-Y Doo!
For the record, I just got less sleep in one night than I have since the night my girl was born.
She has a fever. And wouldn’t sleep anywhere. Not in her bed. Not in our bed. Not even laying on top of me. No sleep.
Oh, well. There’s always hope for a nap! :)
February 25th, 2006
okay.
i’ve made 3 blog posts now in three different places. maybe i’ll light here for awhile.
i’m trying to find my spot in this world.
it’s 10:11p and the middlest is sitting in my lap – i guess he had a bad dream. the girl has a fever. and the oldest is sleeping soundly – at least for the moment. i think i’ll play around with my site for a little longer and try to get the middlest back in bed.
here’s to uninterrupted sleep…
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